Fear

Happiness is worrisome.

You live not knowing when or if it will be stolen from you.

When you feel the happiest, there is also this kind of fear. The scary thought of losing it. And you start thinking: “I had been happy for so long now” 

It seems so strange that you feel something wrong may suddenly happen and, then, that same thing laughing at you: “What did you expect? You knew that I would come back; you mustn’t smile for a too long time”

But then, there is also another part of you. It whispers to not over-think, that everything is going to be fine, that you have to trust, that there comes no good in being projected in a not-so-probable future.

So, you tell yourself to believe and to smile, to stop thinking silly stuff and to live in the present.

Though, hidden in the most obscure part of your heart, you know that that fear is still there. Tamed, but not gone.

Waiting, in the dark, to strike again.

The other side

I feel so sick because these tragedies are not enough by themselves.

Europe is stressing and transforming into a Shakespearean tragedy what happened in Manchester. 

YES, it was hideous. YES, it was terrible. YES, children lost their lives. YES, their families are in pain.

But Europe is USING this as a propaganda against Muslims. 

I live in Italy. And from this morning I heard NO word about what happened in Bangkok or in the Philippines on Italian TV, but everything is concentrated on what happened in Manchester. They don’t even say the news in a normal way if something like this happens in Europe.

That’s mind manipulation though media.

Saying a news is one thing; releasing videos of the tragedy with sad music and poetic words over and over again, it’s not. They aim to touch people’s sensitivity. It’s already bad enough, but they transform it in a “movie” and then? They talk bad about Muslims.

I HATE it.

I just can’t stand this fake piety, European nationalism, racism. Using children’s death to spread more hate. 

If there is a God, please, send another flood as we have failed as human beings.

Doubt

Walking with apparent security,

Stalling in uncertainty.

When the pillars that grow strong, like roots in the breathing meadow, shake, you find yourself wandering on a shattered floor.

This never-ending sensation keeps bothering the mind.

Trying to rationally reply to impossible riddles,

while you don’t even know the truth yourself.

When doubt arise, infiltrating your mind, it’s too late to look back at your past, unclouded self.

You must uncertainly walk till you find the answer.

Though the senses are obstructed and deceptive. 

Do not stop looking for it.

Surely, behind this thick fog, there is a new world waiting for you.

Defeat

A.S.= I wrote this in a dark period if my life and, though now I’m perfectly fine, I decided to post it. Everyone can overcome darkness, despair (in one word, depression). Though I was feeling so helpless I did it and so can you. Don’t give up! Never do it!
I still haven’t figured out what’s life about. 

You were born in this world. Young, inexperienced as you were, you thought it was a beautiful place to live your fairytale.

Colors, noises, faces and perfumes. 

You thought that everything would have been just happy.

What a 4 years old baby can know about problems?

Then, growing up, life shows its true identity: a black never ending ink continuously following you. 

Maybe it’s your shadow itself.

You think that life it’s like this and that it’s not fair for anyone. You try to think about people who have it worse than you and then guilt eats you up. You think that’s only a phase and that sun will rise again.

But no. 

It won’t make the obscurity end.

Because, you know, everytime I had had a problem big or small I faced it, alone. By choice. 

Yes, for years there was nobody for me. But I defeated every inch of darkness around people I love. 

I had no fear for anything.

I was strong.

I was bold. 

I was a warrior.

I was.

Because I realize that it doesn’t matter how much you try to run and run… for a moment of happiness I have to pay way too much despair and for an undefined time. 

I don’t really believe in karma. But if there is something like that, mine is really bad. I wonder what I could have done in my previous life to live in my 23 years of live already so much pain.

What’s worse it’s that’s not even victimisation: it’s the plain truth. Nobody knows our lives so nobody should judge or say “others have it worse than you”.

I get that other people feel pain. I spent my life taking care of them and I keep doing it in any way I can. 

But I feel it too. And thinking to measure pain simply comparing people’s lives is really wrong.

What I know is that every time I’m happy, something has to happen and destroy it. It has always been like this.

It’s like a cycle. An endless one.

Every time I’m truly happy I’m so scared because I know that it doesn’t matter what I do… darkness never fails to get me.

And it’s so painful.

It’s so painful living with the fear of being happy.

I don’t even remember what it is.

How? 

How can I forget what happiness is?

Well… when despair takes your entire mind… your brain won’t allow you to remember it.

And what I know is that I would pay to sleep… and sleep.. also for years… and to wake up only when good things would (hopefully) happen and the pain will end.

I’m not a warrior anymore. I’m really tired.

Nobody deserves to live in a haunted maze.

​Reasons why Lucifer is a victim

WARNINGS: this must be read in a philosophical way, not religious one. As I’m an atheist, I’m treating this as literature. I love Lucifer’s character as I love Hamlet or Faustus. So don’t call me Satanist or whatever =___= This is purely for intellectual delight.

The dualistic battle between “good” and “evil” does not start with monotheistic religions. We can see that evil figures can be found in the Ancient Mesopotamian religion
(Nergal), in the Egyptian mythology (Apophis, Set), in the Greco-Roman paganism (Chaos, Erebus, Tartarus, Discordia, Nemesis, Invidia), in the Norse mythology (Hel).

The said dichotomy is very common in philosophy, religion, ethics and it was felt in the same way by different people worldwide. While they tried to explain, offer their point of view, or show evil/good in a religious way, everyone would destroy the evil and make the good shine. In a philosophical contest, evil was explained as absence of good, that was its opposite; but some philosopher would argue that both factors (good and evil) were essential to the universe’s unity (like the Taoist Yin, that can’t exist without the Yang and the Yang that can’t be without the Yin). 

The  pre-Socratic Greek philosopher Heraclitus stated that a war comes from opposites, but that this duality is necessary for harmony. He called this “logos” or universal law of the Nature.

Later, Spinoza would say that “By good, I understand that which we certainly know is useful to us. By evil, on the contrary I understand that which we certainly know hinders us from possessing anything that is good”

But what’s “good”? What’s “evil”?

From a non-theological point of view, good can be explained as everything we do that does not harm others or ourselves, helping other people or living beings in the ways we can, respecting others, promoting peace and justice; while evil is basically the opposite: harming others (physically or psychologically), disrespect, injustice, inequality, in short, doing something we know it’s bad. 

Of course, every person has in itself its own way to explain them, following their own ethics, but, in big lines, this is it. 

Religions included the good/evil discourse and made it its ethical base, but also changing their connotations. To guide people, they would say to believe in Gods/God and be good, because, only in that way, Heaven would have been reached for sure. As we know, religious power had always been strong, along with the imperial one; what I’m trying to say is that their only power was in the people who believed. If there were no believer, every religious system would have fallen, and so their privileges, and they couldn’t let it to happen. So, often, they would brutally kill or force into conversion or to leave the country who didn’t conform. 

How did the king make his people follow the rules? By laws.

How did institutionalized religions make people follow them and so maintain their power? By a God’s laws.

Funnly enough, in the past, State and Religion were so much linked (though often in hostility too) that the King, the Emperor or the Pharaoh was considered chosen by God itself, and so, like a God on Earth. It was a vantage both for the ruler and the religious power.

Things got harder and stricter when the institutionalised religion forced conversion on the countries they conquered: just think about the pagans (though they were in their own land), the Saxons, Jews, Muslims, Hindus or the Native Americans. (By Catholics).

Examples of forced conversions can be found in religions like Judaism, Hinduism, Islam and Atheism too (though this one is not a religion, of course).

It would be too long (I would say, impossible) to talk about how every institutionalized religion had always tried to keep control and power from their birth till now, so I’m going to leave it and reach the main point of my discourse. You will understand why I had to talk about all this before going to the crucial subject.

The title was “Reasons why Lucifer is a victim”

So now let’s see who Lucifer is and how his figure is portrayed in different religions.

“Lucifer” means “the morning star”, “the shining one” (from Latin Lux + Ferre) and we find him first in ancient mythologies (in one of these he attempted to take the Ba’al’s throne, but, since he couldn’t do it, he descended and ruled the underworld.)

As the name itself suggests, Lucifer is not a dark, obscure entity; he is something that shines like a star. In ancient and modern connotations, light has always been seen as something positive, something good; while dark as something evil. So Lucifer’s name itself says that he is no evil.

Christianity: in this religion, Lucifer is an angel, I may say, God’s favourite, and becomes “Satan” only after his fall. 

Why did he rebel? On what? Can an angel rebel? Let’s go with order.

After the Creation, God asked the angels to bow to Adam; Lucifer did not, as he was an angel and Adam a human being. For this, he was eternally punished. (Though God is said to be compassionate, merciful, etc)

Now, we know that angels have been created with NO free will, unlike human beings; so how did Lucifer “decide” to defy God’s order? The only explanation is that God simply PLANNED it. After the Creation he needed a Hell too (as people have free will and so a possibility to sin) and someone to “inaugurate” it. God created Lucifer in that specific way. After all, God is Omniscient and so he knows the future too.

Lucifer was only a valuable, needed piece in his plan. And a victim because of it.

Plus, in the Bible (and the Quran too), God explicitly says to bow to him only; bowing to Adam would have been too much for Lucifer, who could only bow to God.

When the war started, some angels (always with God previously knowing) fought side by side with their brother Lucifer, but in the end, they were defeated and thrown down from the Heaven. 

Lucifer, must have felt so betrayed and wronged. He was the way he was and reacted that way ONLY because God created him that way. Also if he didn’t know that.

Anyway, he found his newly discover (free will) appealing. Imagine of being a so old angel with no autonomous thoughts and then, suddenly, being awake. Being yourself. Taking decisions.

Once he discovered this, he OFFERED (not tempted, but offered), the possibility to decide to Eve. She wanted to grab it too. Who wouldn’t have? (I would have lol). 

Plus, notice the name of the Tree of Knowledge of good and evil. Ring something? Look at the name carefully. Basically God said it’s a sin to distinguish good from evil and so having a free will.

ANYWAY God already knew it would have happened and he wanted it too. But Lucifer is displayed as the bad one and God as the victim and restorer of order and peace.

  – Islam: in Islam, Lucifer is called Iblīs (there is no consensus for the root the name: it can mean “devil” or “despair”) and is a Jinn (and so created from fire) elevated at an angel state by Allah. This version explains how he could have a free will, unlike the Christian one, as he wasn’t a true angel to begin with. His figure is already much darker than the Christian one. When Allah orders the angels to bow in front of Adam, Iblis says  “I am better than he: Thou didst create me from fire, and him from clay” and refuses to do so, just like Lucifer. And just like him, he respects God so much, that he does not prostrate before anyone else, than his creator, even if ordered. 

 Iblis then asks to have mercy till the Judgment Day, which Allah grants him. In the meanwhile he would offer people “another way”. A REAL free will. (Because, where is free will in “if you don’t believe in me you’ll suffer for eternity”?)

Also here we can notice how Allah already foreseen everything; he also brought a Jinn among angels to do so (as angels do not have free will).

  – Judaism: here there is “Satan” (which means “the adversary”) and we find references of his previous life as an angel with his brothers Uriel, Raphael, Gabriel and Michael. He is also presented as the being who brought death into the world, but that can’t be as God is the only one who can give life and decide for deaths.
It’s simple to observe how it was NECESSARY a negative and opposite figure to God’s one. 

Lucifer was created with the only intent to make the Hell a place where people like him could follow.

And, just as in a political campaign, God portrayed Lucifer in a negative light (when the one who created him this way was only him!).

In the end, Lucifer was necessary, as in every religion or mythology there is the famous dichotomy good/evil, so I don’t understand why we should demonize him. 

A character who bravely decided, started a war to defend his right to think and act the way he wanted to and to not be a puppet. He is both a hero and a victim of a God’s absolutism and tyranny. 

As Milton wrote in his Paradise Lost (though this is REALLY taken out from context, as Milton was a Puritan): “Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heaven”‘

Splinter


She was running toward deception, a fake mirror of her desires.
He comfortably wore the gold mask and she decided to be blinded by it.

The girl knew that those feelings were a mere façade, a way to escape pain and confusion.

He hurt her and she hurt who wanted to help.

The shallow mirror shattered, some its fragments still pierced in her skin.

Pretending to forget never heals. It only turns you into an easy prey and throw you in an unconscious circle of selfishness.

New World


Darkness painted the sky

with its heavy, black curtains.

As if oxygen disappeared,

no life could be found.

A new world of despair.

Walking, in the desolated streets,

Hell’s colour ruled and 

lungs were filled with dust and death.

‘Take me out from this place.’

That’s all I could I think, 

running away without a destination.

Tears fell down without life.

A screaming heart it’s all which remained.

Why?”

The only word my broken voice could ask.

Lost in a world without any meaning or salvation, 

I wanted to tear down the sky with my hands

to let stars shine on that grass, water, survivors.

A new Era has started.

Pain, fear, starvation, wars, power are the main protagonists.

The light is breaking through the wall.

The moon is high in the sky and 

The grey clouds are flying close.

Let it happen.

Break the wall, you’re not alone.

Create a new Era free of violence.